I Hope We All Make It

Over the past two and a half years of law school, I've realized that this sentiment is the reason I don't alway love my school environment. Law school is set up as a competition- everything is graded, curved, ranked, and directly impacts your future. For every A the person next to you receives, that's one less that you could get. At times, it seems like everyone is your enemy - at finals it can seem like you don't want to be around anyone in your class. People get possessive about their notes or weird about where they sit in the library. Horror stories abound about hidden books and people not returning supplements so that classmates can't check them out.

Even without intending to, it feels like people are always psyching each other out. Whether it's nonchalantly complaining about their journal note topic (so everyone knows they're on journal) or talking about balancing studying for finals and multiple job interviews (so everyone knows they have multiple interviews), it's tough to know the difference between legitimate concerns and those who are trying to  make you feel inferior. It's hard not to be reminded that with how the system is set up, someone else's success truly can mean your failure.

One of the most important things to keep in mind is to try to be above this sort of rivalry. I'm not always great at it, but I do try to congratulate people when they are genuinely excited about something that has gone well for them. And I try not to beat myself up too much when that means I missed out on an opportunity. It's not always easy, but that's life. There will always be someone smarter, faster, stronger, or more accomplished than you are. The important thing is that we're all successful in our own way, by our own definition. I won't be graduating at the top of our class by any means, I don't know if I'll have a solid job, but I do know that I hope we all make it to walk across the stage together in May.

Silver Lining

One thing I've realized over the past month is how to tell who your true friends are. It's not the ones that are there when everything is perfect and fun- it's the ones who are there to help you when everything isn't. A little over a month ago, I had a serious concussion- my second this semester. Because I'd had one already, it was severe and led to post concussive disorder. It was really tough to go from a full class schedule and working two jobs to being put on bed rest. I couldn't drive, I couldn't read or watch tv, I couldn't study. For me, it was the ultimate torture.
Regardless, the silver lining was that I learned was who was really there for me. I had friends that when I told them about my condition, offered to come by and spend time with me... and then I never heard from them again. These were people who I count among my friends, but weren't really there for me when it mattered. They aren't bad people, they aren't even bad friends- they just showed me that I shouldn't count on them for the big things.
Surprisingly, the people that I found I really could rely on were a few of my friends from high school who moved back to town and with whom I've only been back in touch for the past year or so. The goofy guys in their cartoon socks were the ones to stop by and pick me up for a change of scenery, to drop off dinner for me, and to let me know that they were there for me every step of the way while I recovered. I spent a lot of evenings wrapped up in a cartoon character blanket on their couch watching Monday Night Football. Not my choice of activity, but my choice of people. The greatest kind - the ones who step up and surprise you in the best possible way.
True friendship isn't about the people who write on your Facebook wall all the time, the ones you go shopping with, or even the ones that you talk to or text all the time. They're the ones that are there for you when times aren't so good. Life isn't always fun and games- sometimes it knocks you down - it's important to have people there who will help you get back up.