I Hope We All Make It

Over the past two and a half years of law school, I've realized that this sentiment is the reason I don't alway love my school environment. Law school is set up as a competition- everything is graded, curved, ranked, and directly impacts your future. For every A the person next to you receives, that's one less that you could get. At times, it seems like everyone is your enemy - at finals it can seem like you don't want to be around anyone in your class. People get possessive about their notes or weird about where they sit in the library. Horror stories abound about hidden books and people not returning supplements so that classmates can't check them out.

Even without intending to, it feels like people are always psyching each other out. Whether it's nonchalantly complaining about their journal note topic (so everyone knows they're on journal) or talking about balancing studying for finals and multiple job interviews (so everyone knows they have multiple interviews), it's tough to know the difference between legitimate concerns and those who are trying to  make you feel inferior. It's hard not to be reminded that with how the system is set up, someone else's success truly can mean your failure.

One of the most important things to keep in mind is to try to be above this sort of rivalry. I'm not always great at it, but I do try to congratulate people when they are genuinely excited about something that has gone well for them. And I try not to beat myself up too much when that means I missed out on an opportunity. It's not always easy, but that's life. There will always be someone smarter, faster, stronger, or more accomplished than you are. The important thing is that we're all successful in our own way, by our own definition. I won't be graduating at the top of our class by any means, I don't know if I'll have a solid job, but I do know that I hope we all make it to walk across the stage together in May.

Silver Lining

One thing I've realized over the past month is how to tell who your true friends are. It's not the ones that are there when everything is perfect and fun- it's the ones who are there to help you when everything isn't. A little over a month ago, I had a serious concussion- my second this semester. Because I'd had one already, it was severe and led to post concussive disorder. It was really tough to go from a full class schedule and working two jobs to being put on bed rest. I couldn't drive, I couldn't read or watch tv, I couldn't study. For me, it was the ultimate torture.
Regardless, the silver lining was that I learned was who was really there for me. I had friends that when I told them about my condition, offered to come by and spend time with me... and then I never heard from them again. These were people who I count among my friends, but weren't really there for me when it mattered. They aren't bad people, they aren't even bad friends- they just showed me that I shouldn't count on them for the big things.
Surprisingly, the people that I found I really could rely on were a few of my friends from high school who moved back to town and with whom I've only been back in touch for the past year or so. The goofy guys in their cartoon socks were the ones to stop by and pick me up for a change of scenery, to drop off dinner for me, and to let me know that they were there for me every step of the way while I recovered. I spent a lot of evenings wrapped up in a cartoon character blanket on their couch watching Monday Night Football. Not my choice of activity, but my choice of people. The greatest kind - the ones who step up and surprise you in the best possible way.
True friendship isn't about the people who write on your Facebook wall all the time, the ones you go shopping with, or even the ones that you talk to or text all the time. They're the ones that are there for you when times aren't so good. Life isn't always fun and games- sometimes it knocks you down - it's important to have people there who will help you get back up.

(Last) First Day of School

Last Tuesday was my last first day of school, (provided I don't make good on my threats to my parents and get a PhD!) which is both exciting and super scary. It's so weird to see these new freshmen walking around campus for the first time and know that I'm six years of school ahead of them. That time has made me wiser, but  I would still love to trade places and do it all over again. On one hand, I just turned 23 last week and feel a little old to be packing my lunch and my backpack every morning. But on the other hand, how weird will it be not to be walking across campus next fall?

No matter how many nostalgic memories of being a freshman come flooding back in the coming weeks, it's so exciting to have marked law school commencement on my calendar (May 8!!!). Adulthood seemed so far away six years ago when I first moved into my dorm room. Now I sit in my apartment and apply for post-grad jobs and worry about things like making sure I pay my bills on time and grocery shopping. It's weird and so so scary, but exciting at the same time.

As comforting as my security blanket backpack and lunchbox may be, it'll be time soon to give them up. It's so strange to realize that this time next year I'll be finding out whether or not I passed the bar and (hopefully) be working full time. No more summer break, but also no more homework. Like so many things in life, it will be a mix of the good, the bad, and the just plain new. But no matter how I feel about it, this year will probably fly by and pretty soon I'll be in a cap and gown. Scary, right? But also oh so exciting. No matter what happens, I'm excited for my last nine months of school and what the future holds for me after graduation.

This is me and my siblings on my first day of 5th grade. My brother was starting kindergarten and my sister was starting 3d grade. It's so weird to think that we'll all be graduating from one school or another in May!

Have you already graduated from college or graduate school? Did you feel as weird as I do right now anticipating being a real adult and not going to school every day? I'm excited but still a little scared!

Keep On Keeping On

This past week and a half has been super tough. After four days of on boarding, I finally started my internship last Friday. School started on Tuesday. I had planned to do all my reading Monday, but my boss asked me to come in and work. The bookstore was sold out of a book I needed. My friend unexpectedly showed up in town from Boston and wanted to plan her wedding. Life started piling up way too fast- the good, the bad, and the ugly. I started to feel really overwhelmed. I felt like I didn't have enough time for anything, let alone the next five things that were headed my way. As much as I wanted to crawl under the covers and hide from the world in my bed, I knew I couldn't.

Sometimes the best you can do is just keep going. I started Monday with a gigantic coffee so I could put a smile on and kick ass at work. No matter how tired I was, or how concerned I was with getting my reading done, I want this internship to turn into a real job so I need to impress my boss. As worried as I was about school, the best I could do was take advantage of my hour long lunch break by reading my casebook in the lunchroom. I needed to just be in the moment and give the contracts and assignments in front of me the best effort I could. All I could do was keep on reading, scanning, and emailing until the clock hit 5.

As soon as I got off work I went home and spent hours reading for my classes the next day. When I couldn't read anymore I went to bed and woke up early to make coffee and finish reading before my first class. I wanted to watch tv, finish reading my novel, shop for new shoes - but I knew that I couldn't. As long as the cases were, I just had to keep on going. And when I had four classes that day, I knew that I had to keep on. When my friend wanted to get together and talk about her wedding, I knew I needed to show up and be there for her. As stressed as I was, it's more important to be a friend. Sometimes even the good things are just another thing on your plate that needs attention. I needed to remind myself to appreciate our time together.

Life isn't always easy. You don't always get to schedule everything and can't always anticipate or account for the unexpected. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just show up, put a smile on, and keep on going. But here's hoping that next week slows down some!

How do you deal with being over scheduled and overwhelmed? All I could manage this week was showing up and trying to do my best. I fell short plenty of times, but I kept on going!

My Own Two Feet

One thing I've been focusing on in my life lately is learning that I can do it all, have it all, and be it all - all on my own. As Jane Fonda says, "standing tall on my own two feet." On Tuesday, I received a formal offer for the internship level of my dream job. Not only was I so excited to get the offer, I felt even more empowered because I had sought out and landed the job on my own. 

I had heard from a friend of mine who moved home after college that the company he works for had a legal intern this summer, who would be returning to school out of state soon. So I asked for the head legal counsel's email. I didn't tell my friend why  I was asking for it or what I wanted to email him about; I wanted to sink or swim on my own. So I attached my resume and writing sample to an email bragging on myself. That last part has always been something I've struggled with. While I know that walking into an interview or writing a cover letter detailing personal accomplishments is easy for some people, I was raised not to brag, so it's against my nature to say those sorts of things. But I did it. I told him that I've always been interested in this company, that I want to stay local, but do international work, and that I saw their company and my interests as being aligned. That I thought I was the perfect person for this job. Within an hour I'd gotten an email back from him saying that Recruitment would be in touch to schedule me for an interview. In two days. While it was hard for me to put it all out there, I realized that no one would know if I failed but me and the guy I emailed. 

I gave it my all- the full pitch - and I got it. 

When I went to tell my friend that I had been offered the job during the interview, he was surprised but oh so excited for me. He explained that he'd been so busy with work he hadn't thought twice about why I was asking for the legal counsel's email, but that it made sense. He told me that he would have been more than happy to go ask for a job for me, but that he was proud of my for doing it on my own. As someone who's known me since the eight grade (forever!) he knows that I'm not always the boldest, most assertive person. So it made me feel so good to have dinner with him over the weekend and hear him say that he had so much respect for the way I had handled myself. And that's such a great feeling. 

Putting it all out there is hard. Rejection is the absolute worst, especially when it's for a job you really want or something you're really invested in. But when you work hard, lay it all on the line, and it pays off-- it feels so so good. I could have asked my friend to help me get the job. I could have used his name in my email and tried to get the job based on knowing him- but I know that I wouldn't feel as good as I do now, knowing that I did it all by myself. Even though I haven't always been great at it, I'm learning that I can, in fact, stand tall on my own two feet.

Roll With It

One important lesson that my life lately has reminded me of is that it's important to 'roll with it.' My job wasn't going the way I wanted it too, the renovation on my apartment got behind and I haven't moved in yet, and people keep coming in and out of my life. It's hard to keep up with sometimes. In keeping with my resolution from a few weeks ago to go for it and say yes to new experiences, I'm also trying to learn to 'roll with it' and be more flexible.
The two philosophies go hand-in-hand. Part of my trouble with learning to say yes to everything was that the things I was saying yes to didn't always go the way I planned. It's hard when you envision a situation going a certain way and it then being a radically different experience. I was so excited to go to Boston a few weekends ago. It seemed perfect that my friend had an airline ticket voucher and I needed to get out of town. I envisioned a big girls weekend where we'd have fun, be super touristy, and catch up. Instead, even though we did a little of those things, I spent a lot of the weekend feeling awkward that she and her boyfriend kept bickering with each other. At the end of it all, I realized that I just needed to be there for her and shrug off the expectations I'd had. As disappointed as I was and as selfish as I felt in wishing things had gone differently, it's way more important for her to be happy than for me to pout about what I had wanted. I needed to learn to roll with the fact that my weekend took a different turn.
It's the same thing with my apartment situation. I was so excited to go buy paint and pick out fabric. Then my landlady decided that she wanted to replace the plumbing and the kitchen floor before I move.  That was two weeks ago. It was hard to let go of the fact that I was ready to move and accept that it's obviously not happening at the speed I would like. It's something I don't have any control over and just have to let go of. Instead of being upset, I've been trying to remind myself that I should be grateful that my parents live nearby and I have a roof over my head. It's hard not to have my independence, but it truly could be so much worse. I'm not happy about the way it's going, but I'm not going to change anything by being upset- I have to let it go.
The people in my life have presented a similar dilemma. The past month or so has been a constant stream of people in and out of my life. It's been hard to keep up with, let alone understand. People I loved decided that they didn't want to see me anymore; that was unbearably hard. People I haven't seen in years have suddenly moved back to town and we're navigating a new friendship. Classmates that I hadn't talked to before are now calling me to go places. It's confusing. It's not easy. But I had to realize that it wasn't making it any easier to dwell on it. I was driving myself crazy trying to understand how other people think and that's just not always possible. As long as I haven't done anything wrong to someone (in which case, obviously baked goods and apologies galore), I have to let it go.
Learning to roll with it is not easy for me at all. I've always been a type-A, obsessive sort of person who wants to know the why behind everything. But this summer I'm trying to unlearn those tendencies and understand that the only person I can control is myself. My stressing doesn't help the situation and it only hurts me. I know right now it's not going to be an easy lesson to learn, but it's certainly an important one.

What do you do when things don't go your way? Do you stress and try to explain the situation? How do you remind yourself to 'roll with it?'

Travel Is The Only Thing You Buy That Makes You Richer

This has long been one of my favorite quotes and has resounded more forcefully with me throughout this semester. One of the best things about living abroad this semester was the ease with which I could travel to any number of countries, even if just for a long weekend. That was made even easier by the fact that school gave us a two-week Spring Break- I was able to spend a week in Italy seeing Florence and relaxing in Cinque Terre, spend the weekend back in London and then do a whirlwind tour of Amsterdam, Brussels, Bruges, and Luxembourg. I even got to take my boyfriend to Dublin as surprise for his birthday and spend a weekend in Deauville, France.

After finals ended on Thursday, my boyfriend and I were able to catch a Eurostar train to Paris for the long weekend. Apart from getting to go to one of my favorite cities, it was so exciting to have the new experience of taking a train through the Chunnel. Even though it was so stressful to plan a trip while I was still taking exams, it was the best possible final trip for the semester. Paris is always beautiful; Paris in the Spring is even better. More so than just that, it’s wonderful to immerse yourself in the language and the culture for a few days. From the farmers markets to the très delicious croissants, and the gorgeous sites, France makes for a great trip. The experience of being able to go to countries with a cultural history stretching back so much earlier than America’s founding is truly an education in itself, and one that everyone should experience!

While this semester has undoubtedly been an expensive experience, I'm so grateful for the worldly education it has provided me. I could easily have stayed home and spent the money on new clothes or shoes or something. The memories I've acquired while I've been here will last much longer than any of those material things. Learning from other people, learning new languages, (poorly, mind you!) trying new foods and seeing new things is a growing experience. Spending time in so many countries has definitely widened my worldview, exposed me to different cultures, and yes, made me richer in the most important ways.

Mid-Year Resolutions

Just because it’s not January 1 doesn’t mean that you can’t stop, take stock, and evaluate how this year is going. Since I’ve been gone so long, I feel like I have a clean slate to start on when I land back in the U.S. next month. With that in mind, I’ve been trying to think about what sort of mid-year resolutions will help me be happier and healthier in the second half of 2014. Here’s a few that I came up with:

1.    Think positively.

It’s really easy to get bogged down by the little things. Especially with finals and my summer job search, it seems like things grow astronomically out of proportion and leave me feeling really discouraged. I’m working on being more positive about those things and recognizing that, “it’s a bad day, not a bad life” is a great mantra for getting past the little annoyances or setbacks.

2.    Drink more water.

As anyone who knows me can attest, I am the absolute queen of coffee (iced, with milk and sugar, please). I’ve noticed that being in London has left me constantly dehydrated. It’s super important to drink plenty of water every day to keep your whole body healthy and I know I don’t drink enough of it. I’m planning on buying myself a new water bottle when I get home to help encourage me to do better about drinking more.

3.    It’s the small things that matter most

This semester I’ve tried to do more small things for the people I love. I sent a classmate’s five-year-old son a postcard to brighten his day (who doesn’t love getting snail mail? I know I do!) I sent my brother and sister Oxford University tee-shirts as a surprise gift when I realized how much I missed them. I try to send my parents emails with articles or links to things I think they would enjoy. I brought my boyfriend lunch as a treat when I knew he was hard at work studying. It doesn’t take much time, it helps other people know you love them, and it makes you feel better about yourself!

4.    Step away from the screen

One of the things I’ve noticed since I got my new iPhone for Christmas is that I have trouble stepping away from technology. I used to be frustrated when I would go out with friends and everyone would automatically pull out their phones at the table. It took my boyfriend being frustrated with my constant phone use (so hard when I’m away from family!) to make me realize I’d starting doing the very thing that used to drive me crazy. With so many social media platforms and iMessage promising constant contact, it’s hard to disengage and really focus on spending time with people. So one thing I’m going to challenge myself to do is mute my phone when I’m out with friends and limit myself to checking it once or twice.

5.    Treat yourself

With so many things going on all the time, it’s easy to forget to take care of yourself. I find that as the semester goes on, my focus and priorities shift and I sometimes overlook giving myself a little TLC. I don’t mean splurging on a huge shopping spree or a big vacation, but just little things that make you feel like a million bucks. For me, this is taking the time to go on a long run, get a pedicure, or just spend an hour reading a good novel instead of a big, heavy casebook.

If you had to evaluate how you’ve done on your New Year’s Resolutions, would you deem them a success, or join me in re-evaluating and making Mid-Year Resolutions?